What is fair?

I can see her side of it as well. It's a huge inconvience for her and she probably feels that it's his responsiblity to come and get her if he wants to see her. So maybe there is a way to compromise on both sides.

increasing the amount of time for one visit instead of several smaller visits provided this doesn't interfere with schooling may be the way to go.

Now that he lives here its every other weekend. He used to have her during the week as well but school is an issue. I guess I don't see the huge inconvience. If we were to drive to his ex-wifes house it would be 9pm before we got there and then midnight by the time we got home. It is a three hour drive to get to her house. This wasn't an issue until she found out we got engaged. She will not compromise on anything now. She had control for the 10 years they were married and during the first three years of their divorce. Do you think she feels threatened on our relationship? She has asked their daughter how she felt about mommy and daddy trying to work things out. (daughter told us this) We don't know what to do because if we confront the mother about the daughter telling us about things she will tell her not to say anything to us anymore. The other night his daughter cried to me in her closet telling me that mommy and daddy will never get along. This breaks his heart because he is trying very hard and has his daughters well being in mind.

Perhaps your engagement has made her realize that she will never get back with him. Maybe deep down she thought there was a possibility until asked you to marry him. It's unfair for her to use the child to gain leverage or try to hurt him since she's been hurt.

Is there anyway you could talk to her. Would she be open to establishing a goos relationship with you for the child's sake. If she could see you more as a friend type instead of just her replacement maybe she would be willing to compromise more.

Beyond the personal elements going on with the engagement the thing to do is not use the child in any way as a pawn. When it comes to the visitation if you all can not come to an agreement on this matter then maybe you should let a judge decide what is going to be fair. For example: my ex lives over 2 hours away and on the first Saturday of every month I go there to get my child and on the 3rd Saturday of every month he has to bring my child to me.

I agree with Skoolie, she probably feels threatened by your relationship, and that there is no longer a chance of getting back together. before she got to see your fiance, and talk, and probably hoped that there would be some way of getting back together. she never remarried did she?

She never did remarry but does have a boyfriend that she lives with. She is very controlling from what my fiance tells me and from what I have seen. Ex. she has hit my fiance with a rock in the back od the head, thrown a toaster at him and put holes in the walls with her fists and feet and a two-by-four when things didn't go her way.
He has called a lawyer. This lawyer says the same about trying to come to some sort of agreement with her but....
The stress of last weekend when we were supposed to get her (which we didn't because his ex used the excuse that she didn't have any money to put gas in her car) has made me step back and I have decided to no longer want to know what is going on with their weekend decision. His daughter was upset when she couldn't come to see us and as adults you think seeing your child upset would make you sad as well but yes, she does use their child now against him. Am I wrong for not wanting to know anymore? Its not my decision on what they decide but I can't stand seeing their daughter go thru this as I went through it as a child myself with divorce parents.