To the Moms, Dads of Teenagers and to Jodi for her psych perspective

Helping out, but they don't, not unless I am right there riding them!! Any suggestions or strategys that might help?

Make the teenagers get a job, then take their money and hire a maid. Yeah, that'll make you popular.

I thought of that LOL

What do they usually do? Do they always do what they do? Do they believe that it is mom's job to clean the house? (while they go about whatever it is they do) Have they ever had chores around the house to do. Do they get an allowance?

Some things you could try is with holding letting them do certain things until they get whatever it is done chore wise. then raise the bar if need be, and eventually get to the point where it is expected that they just do it.

It is all about conditioning and reinforcement.


also, is 800 chars to little for posting questions? that is why it cut off or stopped taking what it was you were trying to say before you had to continue it in a post.

Growing up, I never had a job in High School. In hind sight, I think there is alot to gain from having a job in High School that goes far beyond the money you are making in the process.

That might be one way of helping them and get them out of the house, but it doesn't necessarily help with getting things done around the house.

They have chores that they don't do unless I keep reminding them, and then half the time they have to redo it because they did it half cocked. They have parttime jobs, 5 hours a week. My 9 year old is more willing then they are, it drives me nuts!!

Oh! That sucks - sorry to hear that! I was getting a little worried you weren't going to return when I didn't see you online for a few hours the other day, but I guess I know why! I hope you feel better!

Well, I have a 7-month-old so I am going to tell you how to raise a teenager - nah I passed the know-it-all phase of my life a long time ago (at least 2 years ago), but what I can tell you to try and help is what my mom (the smartest woman I know and a psychologist for the past 30 years) did with us that made our house different, functional and really close to each other.

First thing my mom did that I think made us all more helpful was she taught us a sense of empathy from the time we were born. I still remember her telling me after a new lunch box appeared in my bag in kindergarten to close my eyes, picture my favorite toy and imagine it was gone forever, so I could feel that sadness little Courtney felt when she found her possession missing. I think by doing that and constantly reminding us to be aware of how other people felt, when one my brother had a test, I would empty the dishwasher for him or something like that.

So maybe reminding them how it feels when they are sick and someone helped them without having to ask. Plus saying it like a suggestion or just an observation keeps it from feeling like criticism. You will become the voice in their head - my conscious died years ago and my mom's voice set up camp.

We also had chores from the time we were little and we didn't get to go anywhere until our chores were done, but what I think my mom did that was so different was she treated us like adults. There was a list of chores, and we would take turns with my siblings picking which ones we would do. And if we wanted to swap chores we had to settle that amongst each other. If I wanted to go away for the weekend, I would get my brother to do chores and I would owe him - always get it in writing. lol. My mom didn't care how we got it done, as long as we got it done.

Another thing I think my mom did to make our house feel more like a community was the one thing that she asked of us, until we moved out was that we all ate dinner together. We sat down for at least 20 minutes, prayed, ate dinner, talked about our days and went on about our ways. When you feel more like a community or a unit, you're more willing to help one another.

Now I was by no means an angle, but having 4 kids the most peaceful and well-run place was defiantly our house.

People respond to praise more than punishment, so praise the little things because everyone secretly likes to make mom happy!

I hope that helps a little :)

Thanks Jodi, I knew I could count on you for sound advice ;)) No car for them hehe

You could also restrict things like TV usage, even though it isn't as much as a motivator with the recent rash of reality tv. But restricting things like watching movies, going out, hanging out with friends.

Use it as a way to also install a strong worth ethic in everything they do. Which will carry over to everything and stay with them for life.