My step daughter

Jodi, I think you should come to bat here please.

What a good Idea Casey!! I had totaly forgoten about PCIT (Parent Child Interaction Therapy) Here is a link for more info. http://pcit.phhp.ufl.edu/

I can imagine how frustrating this can be and behavior problems are never easy to deal with. Having said that, the best thing that I can tell you first is that children learn by watching us. Sometimes we are quick to assume that because children can communicate with us verbally, that they have the same emotional development as adults. But we have to understand that they are children and the way they learn and deal with their emotions is very primitive.

Now I know that spanking is a controversial issue and everyone has rights to their opinion. I will tell you why I don't believe in it because it REALLY pertains to your situation. As I said, kids emotions are still infantile at 6. She is confused, because you hit/spank her then tell her not to spank. She sees no difference between the two and you confuse her. Some kids never have a problem with hitting and then it's up to the parents discretion and beliefs, but since you see that the parenting method you use ARE confusing to her, you need to result to another method that can help her cope with her emotions.

Most times, spanking is a quick emotional reaction when you just have no idea what else to do when there are many more methods that are more effective and instead of teaching children it's ok to hit, or it's ok to hit if you're an adult, you can teach them things like patience, anger management, conflict resolution and self-control. You just need the tools and ideas and a little extra patience.

There are so many methods on behavior modification in kids. I personally like Tracey Hoggs (if you have ever seen Nanny 911, her philosophy is much the same). I recommend taking an afternoon, go to the book store and read a little of the book (skip to the parts applicable to you) and see which method works for you.

Until then, implement a time out system. It's extremely effective because it removes them from the situation, you explain to them why they are there, so they learn about consequences to their actions and they have to stay there until they are calm and can apologize for what they have done (conflict resolution). A child should get a minute for how old they are. In your case 6 minutes. If they are out of control, put them back on their chair (my mom set the timer on the microwave with a chair in front of it). Reset the clock if they are out of control. It may take 40 minutes the first time, but it gets better.

I hope that helps. If all else fails, please see a family therapist who can determine if there are other problems causing these behaviors. Good luck.

Thank you for the comment and i will look into it

Have you had her tested for ADHD.. My son also acted like that way. He was diagnosed. He takes a very low dose of medicine daily 5mg.. And is a whole different person. she cannot control her impulse. I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV. The situation just sounds like my son before I got treatment. He is also in counseling. OUr home is no longer a battleground. the medicine does not dull his personality it just helps him focus and understand and empathize with others.

Well do it to her and see how she likes it. Then tell her that is what her friends fell like that is all I call you. Hope it works!