Boyfriend Went Off The Deep End

Once someone starts getting into heavy alcohol and drugs they can change very dramatically in every way. chances are he is on a very bad downward spiral and i would stay far away from him unless you want to get pulled down with him.

there are so many great guys out there that would be ready for a relationship that there isn't a really good reason to stay with him thinking he'll change. he may never change. and you can't remember him as his best, because he is far from that right now and isn't it a place to be that right now.

should you get back together with him? that is up to you, but what i would recommend is to let him be, let him do his own thing. if he wants to do AA and get clean and sober and turn his life around, great. if not, it is his life journey.

I'd just move on with your life. find a new bf if you meet someone. if you find yourself in a place where you are single, and he has been clean and sober for over a year, doing AA or whatever it took to turn his life around, maybe then consider it, but for now, the best thing you could do for yourself is to just move on and let him life his life, while you go and move yours.

Consider this: even if your boyfriend does clean himself up, this will require a very large commitment from you to be an integral part of the rehabilitation process. This is a huge time and emotional investment on your part and you really need to think about whether you're willing to put in the time and effort that something like this will require. Ask yourself: Is he worth it? But wait, there's more: his willingness to jeopardize your job, your very livelihood, and your relationship with your immediate family members goes beyond a drug and alcohol addiction. This is a vindictive, mean-spirited individual who is willing to sabotage your life over an argument, and while you're willing to tell yourself that this behavior is a result of drinking and drugs, I could point you to several other people with similar addiction problems who would not resort to such destructive conduct aimed directly at the people who they supposedly care so much about. And finally, there's this: no matter how hard you try, you will never escape his mother. As long as mom has his ear, he will always be under her influence to some extent. You marry the guy, you marry the family, simple as that. So . . . to sum it up, every fiber of your being is trying really hard to tell you something, and only part of you is listening. Yes, once upon a time he was a great guy, yes, you still remember the good times, yes, breaking up and walking away is never easy, but you've also seen what an ugly human being he can be and you deserve better than this. The big clue for me was the part of your letter where you said "he has started drinking and doing drugs again" which means that this has happened before. Guess what? It could happen again, rehab or not. It's going to hurt, but you need to get out.

Right now, truth is - you should RUN.

Seriously - he can ruin your life ... especially spreading rumors that you are on drugs. That ONE rumor will spread - and it will trickle down to some people believing the rumor -- and your reputation and credabilty will be ruined . Sometimes -a bad reputation is not retrievable -- especially in the work place.

You may have been dating this guy for only one year - and you probably think you know him well -- however, it often takes a long period of time for bad things to come out in a person. And now, here you are -- and the bad things have surfaced. Some people get married - and don't find out things like this until after marriage.

If this guy will do this to you -- he is capable of more. Plus - it will get worse. And -- the possibilty will always exist that he will do it over and over again.

This guy could be doing drugs -- but he didn't have to do all those mean & crazy things to you.

Don't fool yourself here ... you've got a huge-ole-problem. Your decision right now - depends on what your future would be.

Don't get me wrong .. I believe in 2nd chances -- every person deserves a second chance ... however - with all the things this guy has done - - you would probably be wise to get away from him .. and stay away from him until he gets tons of professional counseling .. and for a couple of years to see what he is going to do ... and that time may not even be long enough -- he can go back to it at any time.

It is your choice. The choices we make in life, determines our future. So you need to ask yourself if this is what you want for your future. If you stay - you will be staying full aware of what horrors you might be living and facing. Also - consider if you had a baby -- and think about what the drugs could do during pregnancy -- and to a child's life.

You know he is capable of big trouble. You have experienced his meanness. You know of his drug life. You know he needs help. And - you know that if he gets straight -- that the desire will always summon him to do it again.

You say his mother is crazy -- and it wil be your choice to have this for your future.

These problems have been laid out for you. Thing is - they will only get worse. In fact, he could start hurting you physically - as well as mentally. Your life would be miserable.

All in all -- you have the knowledge .. but the choice is yours. Think wisely - your life depends on it.

This is some seriously wrong with him

he is a loser, he needs to hit the road

you deserve a bf that treats you with love and respect

you could also go to jail because of his drug habits and so

ask a family member and or a friend to allow you to move in for a short term

or go to a womans shelder

ask him if he wouyld concider counseling and AA

if he is willing and have your support

if he refuses i tell him hit the road

He cannot be healthy for you if hes not being healthy for himself. he does need to want to help himself and you need to protect yourself. sounds like he has a good heart and its a blessing you got to see that part of him because it sounds like whoever he crosses paths with now will not have that point of view. ive been in situations like yours before and honestly alanon really gave me some insight that has stayed with me to this day. good luck

If he is willing to go to counseling and try to get back on track just for you then he must really love you. if he was not a jerk before the drugs and achol have changed him, but he could change back with some help. if you really love him and he really loves you just be by his side and support him throught it and if he changes then yes you should give him another chance.

As you say he was perfectly alright before he got on drugs, it means that he loves you. But drugs and alcohol take a person away form his or her real self. Try talking to him about it in a manner that he feels loved and try to find out what is the cause of it because there must be some reason for sure. Make him get help and support him through it. For your own good just keep a safe distance, just enough so that when he gets aggressive he cannot harm you or your reputation. In the end i would say, do it all if you love him, in the spirit of love. Maybe all this is just a call for help from him, maybe he needs you to be stronger right now. And only love can give you the strength needed for all this. If you do not love him..just run in the opposite direction i would say.

HI Ms Holly. This is a difficult one and I myself have been in a similar type of relationship, except the guy I was with used to beat the crap out of me, until one day he almost killed me and then I got as far away from him as possible. He had severe mental issues and non of his family wanted to accept the fact he has and didn't do much to help the guy. He was a walking disaster and a threat not only to himself, but also to the public, which is why I wanted to try and help him, but unfortunately there was only so much I could do for him and then when he almost killed me, that was the last straw.

You have to ask yourself the question, how much do you love this guy and are you willing to go through some really tough times? He obviously has a drink and drug problem and is going to have to get help with this, if he is to stop. NA/AA meetings as well as one to one therapy. You need to get him at a time when it is possible to sit him down and tell him how you feel. If you really want the relationship to work, you have to tell him he isn't the guy you fell in love with and that he really needs to get some help, if the relationship is to continue, because him acting the way he does is pushing you away and you can only take so much. Tell him if he goes through with the help, your going to be there all the way as he needs to know he has u there for him. Like I say, it will be tough for you, but if you love him as much as you say you do, then, isn't that one of the things your going to have to deal with? They say what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. So, if you stick by him and you go through this together, it should strengthen your relationship.

You have to decide is he worth the hasstle and do you love him enough to be strong for him to help him through this bad time in his life?

All the best.

The easiest thing to do is just move on with your life. Trying to wait around for some one to change is not going to be fun. Just leave him alone for now atleast until he gets his life together again.

Drugs and things like that totally change a person. They can be the sweetest person in the world, but when their into drugs, bad deal. If you really care though, I would try talking to him. Get some common sense in his mind. If he still loves you, he'll stop.... or depending on what drugs, at least try to stop for you.