How do you help a co-dependent sister?

It is not yor sisters fault that he cheats.We would all have reasons to cheat ,to drink,to do whatever because we are not happy with something.She needs to realize that,if her husband was not getting enough attention from her,he would've had to tell her so before he made all this mess. Your sister is not working hard and miss her pleasure to be with her husband on purpose.She is making a living that he enjoys too.He needs to support her in her work or tell her he needs her more around,not go out and find excitement with someone else.He is there only because of the child,then it is time to get it all clear for them two.They need to talk it over,wheter there is enough to stay together and live a family life or is it time to separate the way in two.It would affect the little girl,but they both love her and in time she would be all right with it.The child most of the time does not fuss about the parents not being together,but it bothers her more,if the parents do not care about her.Talk to your sister,make her see it is not her fault,/the cheating/,tell her to make it work if there is still a chance,but otherwise,move on.

Thanks i will keep trying to get threw to her : /

It sounds like your sister is suffering from low self-esteem. One of the big clues to this is that she continues to tolerate the husband hiding the cell and credit card bills. Him blaming her after the fact is a flimsy excuse. If he had issues, they should've been brought up by him well before he made the final decision to go outside of the marriage. It's his fault that he cheats. He had a long list of options before he decided that this was the best idea he had. As far as their daughter is concerned, now is a better time than later for them to break up, because sooner or later she will find out what's going on. At some point she will be old enough to fully understand the facts, and if they're still together, she will lose most or all respect for mom for continuing to put up with this, and she will see dad for what and who he really is. This, in turn, could result in a very negative and destructive behavior toward all men, which, in its extreme, could last a lifetime. There is nothing your sister needs to do to change his opinion of her, because if the marriage was relatively good for twelve years, he had plenty of time to bring up any issues that he felt warranted a change on her part. She might also remind him that her longs hours at work allow him to live this double-life lifestyle which will end immediately if she decides to kick him out and divorce him, which, by the way, will almost guarantee her a huge chunk of his financial backside, seeing as how there seems to be more than enough evidence that an affair exists/existed. And finally: her husband, if he was at all serious about wanting to keep this marriage together, should have gotten counseling the moment his wife found out about the affair and decided not to kick him out right there and then. Somewhere along the line this guy went from husband to worthless dirtbag and needs to start packing now. Good Luck, hope this helps.

It is in NOOOOO way her fault. That has to be the worst thing anyone can ever do is cheat. She is very lucky to have such a wonderful sister such as yourself. If she is in counseling and has your support she will make it through. Be patient with her. It's never easy learning to let go of the love of your life. It may not happen as fast as you would like but I believe in my heart she will come through it and move on. Just always keep your door open to her no matter how you are feeling. I wish I was as lucky as her to have a sister like you. I am an only child and when I went through it, it was an aweful experience. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone. Just keep reminding her what a true jerk he is I wish you both the best of luck!

Well he’s out now, but he still comes over and does a lot of his visitation at their, her, home. So far, he is keeping up his part of the financial responsibilities.

My concern is that he is leading her on; he lies constantly to her about his affair. He tells her that it’s over but the next day she finds out threw co-workers that it is not. She has been going threw this vicious circle over and over again. Trusting him finding out he’s lying.

Is there any way to help her step out of this heartbreaking soul draining cycle? She just doesnt seem to be able to get over him and let him go. I told the pain she is going threw now is worse then the pain of letting go and starting over. At least her wounds could start to heal instead of being constantly torn opened.

What will it take? What can she do? Any clues?

Soundboard, yup