Can I save my marriage?

There still might be hope. but it won't be easy. but it is possible.

you basically need to the be man you know you can be. be that man and she'll see it and be drawn back to you.

one of the best books i've read that may help is this

http://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792 576/

it will either help get her back, or help you attract a girl that is right for you

Do ask her about her song, and all of our mutual friends are saying move on its over?

It sounds like you are trying to get the help you need and that you are also giving her the space she feels she needs. I think from what your saying that she is hurt and not knowing how to deal with it. If that is the case and she says she needs councling then that is a good sign. If she is saying that she does not want a divorce and believed she would be with you always should tell you that she does still care. You say your not asking her to come back. You need to find out what you want as well as her. It is two bad she had to leave state and the two of you could not work this out together by you both having councling together. You could sujest to her to come back home and go though this together,or you could talk to her about allowing each other a month of councling before you talk about what either one of you want to do. In the mean time just call and visit with the kids. Your marriage can be saved if you both want it badly enought. You both are seeking help and that says alot for the both of you. Good luck

I just dont understand why is she being so mean.. She got everything she wanted and she is back home. so why is the reason she is being that way?

If she hasn't filed, the door's still open. She's been hurt and she's trying to work through her feelings to figure out her next move. She may feel one way today and different tomorrow, that's why you get the hot/cold messages. Giving her space to figure things out is fine but you need to do things on a regular basis to prove to her you really care about trying to patch things up. Send her flowers, or if that wouldn't be her thing, something that really shows you put some thought into it. You don't need to call every day, that wouldn't be allowing her that "space". But you have to do SOMETHING to show you care.

Your wife is the typical woman who definitely wants out but doesn't want to hurt you. It is also probable that she can't afford a decent attorney to get the divorce filed properly. Basically, she is stuck and doesn't want to be. The kindest thing you could do for her and your family is to initiate the divorce yourself and place her in a situation where she can evaluate her life without the burden of the marriage. If she decides the marriage is where she should be, you could always be remarried. But if she hasn't made up her mind in four or five months, it's time for you to move on. You're wasting your money on marital counseling if your wife wants out. Counseling sometimes enables couples to see what the problems are but counseling rarely makes the problems go away.

The thing with that is that i told her is wantd a divorce that i would pay for it. it would be better off for the both of us if she wanted it and i can move on and not wait... And she doesnt care about my feelings one bit right now because she took my kids away and that is the thing that hurts the most..

I think that what the two of you need the most is couples counseling. Each of you could go to counseling on your own, but the only thing that you are going to do is blame each other and tell your side of the story to the counselor. You need to go together if you both really want to save your marriage. By having a mediator in the room, you can sort it out together.

Sometimes it takes a rude awakening to shake things up a bit. What I mean by that is, if you file for divorce and she recieves the papers, it'll shake her up a bit and make her think twice about what she's doing. She may return to you and then again, she may not but either way, you'll have your answer in what ever action she takes. Good luck.