As all custody battles are, this sounds painful.
the part i'm going to adress is the last part--the talking ont he phone, because to me it seems liek the rest of the question was there to hide this part, and it's the real one..
SO, i would say, that if he asks to talk to ehr on the phone, and she's there--dont ask her if she wants to--just hand her the phone and say "your dad wants to talk to you" ... dont give her a funny look, dont hold ur hand over the phone and say something else--just say that. NOW, it's compelatly up to her, and if she takes the phone, fine.. if she doesnt--, then she'll prolly say so, and he'll hear it.
if they talk, the world isnt going to end, and if he's REALLY that bad, she'll figure it out for herself. Which is all she needs to be doing right now. Kids arnt stupid, even @ 4 they got more brains than a lot of adults i know.
if she doesnt want to talk, then make sure he hears HER say it, or say why--dont coach her on what to say. That way YOU can tell him, she doesnt want to talk, and there's nothing he can do about it. If you have to, do this every time. Eventually he'll get the clue, or she will.
do your best to leave the door open for HEr to decide what to do... this door may have to be open for 13 more years.
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Submitted 136 days ago...
My daughter's father keeps threatening me with taking my daughter.
My daughter's father and I were never married. He walked out on us when she was 8 months old two weeks before her first christmas. I went to visit him with her at his expense 6 months later for 1 month (to see if we could work things out) and then a year after that for 2 weeks (just because it is her father & we stayed with my daughter's aunt, uncle and cousin). He was useless on these visits which made it very apparent to me that he was not going to be very helpful raising her. He didn't pay child support until FINALLY the state of FL caught up with him about a year ago and even now he doesn't pay the full amount despite the court order and the fact that they attach his checks. Now she is 4 & 1/2 years old...he has never visited, sent her a bday gift, christmas gift ever and has only sent 1 pair of sneakers and two outfits to her in the past 4 years...beyond calling when he gets around to it he has done nothing for her, she doesn't really know who he is and they have no relationship. He says he's moving two hours from us to be closer to her and let it slip that he plans to take me to court for custody once he gets here (he threatens this every 6 months or so because I won't let him just come pick her up and take her for a month? Crazy) In addition to that he expects me to have her call him and for me to have her take his calls...but she doesn't know him and doesn't want to talk to him. Do I have to take his calls and force her
Of course that is how I handle that with her...she is what is most important and I would NEVER keep her from him. But now she has made it clear she isn't interested in talking to him, he is threatening me with taking her every 6 months or every time he says he wants to drive down and take her for a month and I tell him no, he may come here and meet her and get to know her but until they have an established relationship he will not take her anywhere...at that point he threatens me again to take her. I'm just wondering how long she and I have to put up with this before we don't have to anymore. I don't want to deal with him and I won't force her to. If he wants to come see her and start building a relationship with her I'm all for it, but this is seems just lazy and harrassing at this point.
His threats are just that, Threats. He obviously cannot raise a child and is just saying this to upset you every time he threatens just hang up and when he calls back say you will only talk as long as he does not abuse you because that is exactly what he is doing.
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