Is this right?

My so call best friend is staying with me and my family. She gets her social sceurity because her mind is not right from a cyst in her brain. She forgets etc. However her mother told her to give me some money each month to help us out. She did. The money went to bills and some food. However, before I could get my money we ran out of food. She had enough in the bank to help us. I asked her to give me a loan until I get my money, she said it is her money. So we went without much food and I have two teens and my husband. I do not care for myself to eat much but my children that is where it hurts. She gave every excuse but yet she went out to the store and bought herself something to eat and whatever else she feels is needed for her life. I forgive her but I don't want to continue with her friendship. I can't keep putting her health issues as the excuse, she knows what she is doing, she isn't brain dead or anything like that. Should I let her leave go back to her family.

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Answer 1 / 2 - Submitted 17 days ago...

cajuncatt

Authority (530)

We also have someone extra in our household and the same thing happened to me. He gave me money and I used it on some bills and food and was short before my payday. So what I did was to split the bills 6 ways. (my husband, me, 3 children and boarder) and now he pays 1/6 of the bills. It really works out well this way.

when we initially sat down to set the 'rent' some things were not addressed.
-extra food (my budget no longer worked because I had an extra mouth)
-electric (same as above)
-gas (he doesn't have a car so I let him use one of ours if it is available)

So you need to pull your receipts and sit down with her and change the structure of the agreement.

I do agree with you that it was crappy for her to feed herself and not help with your family, but now you have a premise. (Keeping things separate helps keep your privacy)
Our boarder has become just part of the family and he does help out if we are short but we give up alot of privacy for it.

I can understand your anger but don't break your friendship. just restructure it. The cyst may affect her rationality. If she is on disability, see if she wouldn't apply for food stamps to maybe help with the food bill.

In any case, set her down, show her your reciepts and how your your bills are different with her there and restructure your agreement. If she is getting paid once a month then put that money in a savings account so that you can pull it as you need it instead of spending it all at one time. If after you sit down with her and she doesn't like the revisions, then you may want to call her mom and explain why this arrangement is not going to work. (I say call her mom because her mom is the one who had to tell her to give you money every month. I makes me bellieve that maybe your friend's rationality is affected by the cyst. Her mom will help you because in a way you are taking alot off of her mother's plate by having her with you)

I know it is difficult having even a close friend or family member stay in your home with your family, just remember why you initially said it was ok. She probably needs you.

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Answer 2 / 2 - Submitted 17 days ago...

dizzle

Authority (605)

If it is a good friend, I wouldn't want to ruin the friendship over this. However, define "Good" friend. If it is a friend whom builds you up and betters your life because they are in yours, and is a positive and uplifting attribute to your life than talk to her about how you are really feeling, and how in order for her to continue to stay, some things will need to change. Finally, if she is not an uplifting friend nor an enhancement to your life than its time to let her go for a while.

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