For some reason having to do with a fear of expressing feminine attributes or sensitivity, many men have extreme difficulty cuddling, hugging and engaging in other visible signs of affection. That is not "abuse." That is just the way many men happen to be.
When sex is absent from a marital relationship, that marriage is likely to fail. You need to stop concentrating on the fact that you're depressed and start working on figuring out the reasons your husband has lost his interest in sex with you. Have you gained enough weight to become unattractive to him? If so, you'd better start doing something to lose weight. That will be good for your sex life, your health and your depression.
Is your house filthy all the time? Do you have annoying habits that turn your husband off? Are you even telling your husband any of the things you're confiding to your psychiatrist? I'll bet not.
So tell me; why would you tell a psychiatrist things you won't tell your husband? Don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question. You don't tell your husband the same things you run on your psychiatrist because you know your husband won't buy off on your whining the way your psychiatrist does. Your psychiatrist is obligated to listen to and sympathize with your your whining because you "pay" the psychiatrist to listen. You could run a total fantasy on your psychiatrist and still receive advice and sympathy as long as you keep "paying the bill."
Clean yourself up, put a smile on your face, clean up your house, stop whining so much, buy a few flimsy, filmy, sexy teddies and start treating your husband the way you did before you were married (you know, the way you behaved while you were trying to snag him in the first place). If that doesn't work, start considering the possibility of trading up to a new husband. Some men are just not worth whining over and the whining itself won't solve anything.
If your psychiatrist believes a husband who doesn't cuddle, kiss and hug is "abusive," you need a new psychiatrist or therapist who knows how marriages are "supposed" to work to be successful. You also need a therapist who will be totally honest with you and from what you stated in your question, I'm having doubts about the one you've got now.
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Submitted 659 days ago...
My question is about marriage and depression
My doctor, who treats me for depression(a psychiatrist)tells me that i am better off in a sexless marriage than one in which my husband is passionate about me but abusive. i feel that i am abused because my husband doesn't cuddle, hug me or kiss me that much at all, and sex doesn't happen. i have been married for 9 yrs. i am depressed and sick all the time and my doctor tells me i make myself sick to get attention or to justify not working any more. do i need a new doctor or do you think his advice is correct? please help. thank you.
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Answer 2 / 2 - Submitted 78 days ago...
First, I have to say that the above answer is appalling!
Now that I have that out of my system I'll go on with my answer. I have struggled with depression all of my life. I have been suicidal and nearly threw away my marriage in desperation. Being depressed at times makes me want to escape and the one thing that has helped me more than anything else is that I am responsible for my feeling better. I have to take care of me. It is not anyone else's job to cure me.
You have to want to be free from your disease. Others can assist you in your treatment but it is up to you to get better. Having said that, you should see at least one other person, whether it be a councelor, therapist, or doctor, just to ensure that the advice being given to you is good. Depression effects every area of your life and you should not let one person tell you how to cope. I suggest that you find a group of people; a support group if you will. The best thing I have found is called DBT - Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Find a group that follows these ideas and you will find so much relief from your mental anguish.
Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.
-- Fierstein Harvey
Here is a really good website for more information. God bless you on your journey to recovery! :)
Keep finding excuses to smile!
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/what_is_dbt_.html
This Question was awarded 77 days ago therefore you can no longer post an Answer. However you may post a comment below.
Because it gave me a website to visit and it was informative from someone who has depression. It is absolutely the best advice I have received. Thank you.
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