Am I just in deniel or is this guy just bad news?

It sounds like you are just waiting for someone to tell you to get out now before you are even more hurt and confused.
It also sounds like this guy is bad news.
Men make up lots of inconsistencies when it comes to telling their spouse certain things, but saying that he thought a douche was to be used as an enema? Thats really not something anyone can mistake, since it does say "feminin cleanser" on the box or something akin to that.
My advice to you is to get out before youre too attached.

It sounds like a teenage romance. "I don't trust you-you don't trust me!" This type of scenerio is tiring and immature. Aren't you tired of the stories, lies and excuses? Life is way too short to spend it on a man that doesn't respect you. Although, you have to respect yourself first before anyone else will give you respect. Move on! As I stated, life is too short and there are many nice, decent and kind men out there.

Listen, if a guy cheats with you he will cheat on you. If a guy cheats in the past, he will likely cheat in the future. If a guy lies, hides and then uses crying and pleading to get forgiveness, he is a manipulator. I am speaking from personal experience ( I'm a woman and found out my man of 16 years lead a double life) and once trust is broken, it may never be repaired.

Drop this guy, he will cause you pain, period. Then, head straight to a good psychiatrist to help you figure out why a man like this appeals to you at all. Take a break from relationships and work on yourself.
Best luck to you!

My heart breaks for you because I can relate to you. You must either care for him deeply, really enjoy the physical part, simply have nothing else to choose from or feel like you deserve nothing better. Or perhaps all of the above. Just know that the reason WHY you date him is your business as long as it's not destoying the self-esteem you have left. Apparently you are a very caring, compassionate, loyal and understanding person. I encourage you to take a moment to reflect and ask yourself if you are treating yourself as wonderfully as you treat him... I'd be willing to bet that when you were growing up, someone you loved very much made you feel not good enough. And if so, then whay you are faced with is a bad habit, disguised as a relationship. But since I can't talk to you and verify that, I'll stick to the facts: 1. he is a cheater 2. he is a liar 3. he manipulates you with tears 4. he knows what women need to hear 5. he knows you don't expect to be treated any better than he's treating you 6. he just got divorced so he will be going through a phase for about two years in which he most likely Won't be able to make a monogomous commitment and lastly for now 7. he fulfills a need for you in your life. So, as long as you face the reality of these things, your life is yours to choose to live as you so wish. After all, the best way to find a date, is on a date. Keep your eyes open and allow your emotions to remain available, so you can upgrade when you're ready. You deserve to be treated the same way you treat him, without having to point it out... Goodluck. lisa