Why after 9 years have I started thinking about my ex?

This is actually a really common situation, and you are obviously devoted to your family. Think about it as if a friend asked you the same question. Having a big wonderful family is very self-sacrificing, time-consuming and stressful. When you were dating your ex life was probably a lot more simple and the nostalga that you feel may just be a mental escape to a time that was simpler. Everyone does this and it's totally normal.

Where it starts to go too far is when as you said you tell your ex that you feel this way. There is no closure there - it's the opposite. You are opening dangerous doors that can put your wonderful husband and family at risk, and from the sound of your message that is out of the question.

If you do decide to contact him and you can keep a platonic relationship, then it's perfectly ok to talk to him on myspace or email back and forth, but you should also let your husband know for a few reasons.

1) Respect - When you are in a healthy relationship, you put yourself in the other person's shoes and see what you would want him to do if the situation was reversed. It's not that you have to have him approve who you have contact with, but it's just respect so he can let you know his feelings as well.

2) Trust - If he finds out that you are contacting this ex behind his back, he may feel that you are doing something dishonest and losing trust is the first step of many in a downward spiral toward many other relationship issues.

3) Accountability - If you tell your husband you are more likely to consider him in your decisions with the ex as it would be easier for him to find out if there is any foul play if he knows you are talking to him.

Affairs are a slippery slope that start at the crossroads where you find yourself. Remember that you are grieving the carelessness that came with that time and since your ex was there, you are confusing that for your feelings for him. Life may be more complicated now, but isn't it more fulfilling? Would you go back to being that age again and have to go through everything you've been through over again?

Good luck!

I say go for it, it might help with a sense of closure, or maybe, it is a way of being friends now with someone you loved back then. Times change, people change.

If you feel the need to communicate with your ex that is an indicator that your marriage is not all it should be. This is reinforced by your obvious fear of your husband finding out. You have to use your common sense and admit something that makes you feel guilty is probably wrong.

I recommend you email your ex one more time; tell him it was nice communicating with him, wish him all the best and ask him to remove you from his list of friends because you don't have much time to spend at MySpace any more.

By the way; with 4 children and a husband to care for WHERE ARE YOU FINDING time to play around at MySpace?

You have already been going behind your husbands back from the frist time you started having any contact with your ex. He was your frist love relax it is ok we all have felt that way. You have a marriage and four children you need to put your ex in the past and keep him there. You can never go back into time. You have a family I don't know what you think you have to gain by keeping in contact with him. your just asking for trouble and how would you feel if the table's were turned. Do you think your ex would want to raise a family after your're been married to him and have children with another man. You have done nothing seriously wrong at this point don't let it go any futher it might cost you your family.

Be honest. To yourself, your husband, and your ex. Don't be afraid to seek professional help. If your husband and family are that important to you work things out before it gets too far. Also remember the past is the past. You may still feel something for you ex but that was also a different time and you were a different person. Over time its easy to forget the bad times and focus on the good. If you truly love your husband focus on that. Make things ok. The 7yr ich is real even though its been 9yrs be aware of that.

It was curiosity, plain and simple. It's normal. We all wonder "what could've been" and "what if..." when we find our relationships somewhat the same ol' same ol'. We tend to let our minds wander and sometimes they wander back into the past where they really shouldn't go. I'd say to take up a hobby or something to keep your mind on the family in front of you. Put a little more time into your marriage instead of trying to find free time to think of an ex. Your husband would probably appreciate it and that might help you feel needed and wanted by the man you're committed to.

Look into your marriage... is there something you can change about yourself? Do you dress nice or just throw on any old thing that's (sometimes) clean? Do you treat him like the father of your children or just the guy that lives in the same house? Do you show him you love him with little things like putting toothpaste on his toothbrush or leaving him little notes, stuff like that? Try it and get more in tune to him and your kids and you'll find yourself forgetting about that ex. There's a reason he's your ex, right? Hope this helps.

Look first loves never go away they had that unexplainable excitement now be smart tell your husband that something about your x has been on your mind and if he thinks it is alright to contact him to see how he is doing keep it open and informal and show him everything you get from him===going behind his back is a violation of trust and if you destroy that you may never get it back plus involving him keeps you honest while you sort your feelings personaly re establishing a link to anx with no kids involved is not a good idea